Sept 2012

The Elephant in the Room: Suicide (Part 8 of 8)

/ Rochelle N. (Callahan) Males / 2 Comments
September 9 through September 15, 2012
Suicide Prevention Awareness Week

Every year since 1974, the nation has come together in a week-long campaign to help promote Suicide Prevention Awareness.  All sorts of events are held all over our country, in the hopes that the information received there will help keep even just one person from committing suicide. The idea is to draw attention to suicide prevention, suicide warning signs, reduce stigma surrounding the topic of suicide (so that more prevention happens), encourage those who need it to seek mental health assistance, and to support those who have attempted suicide, as well as those who have lost someone to suicide.

Walks are organized, screenings are done, information is handed out, and memorials are held for those who have been lost. Fundraisers collect money for research for mental health issues, and for existing suicide prevention outlets.  All of this helps coincide with what is known as World Suicide Prevention Day, which is held annually on the 10th of September. As the name would imply, this is the day that suicide prevention is recognized all over the world. 
For my small part in helping promote and spread awareness, I am posting one blog post every day this week—Suicide Prevention Awareness Week—in the hope that even one person may be saved. I have experienced loss to suicide myself (some time ago now) and find this to be a therapeutic way for me to deal with that grief.
I intend to give you as much information as I can on suicide but I also strongly encourage you to take the time to read the personal stories attached within all the facts. These are real people, with real stories that I have collected, just for this occasion. They wanted to let anyone who reads their stories to know that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. There is hope and there is help.
Thank you for stopping by to check this out. Suicide is preventable. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to spread the word, so pass this along as you see fit to. Here’s to hoping we can help save some lives.

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This is going to be the last installment of my suicide awareness series. I hope that everyone has benefited from reading everything so far.

Today, I will share some resources for anyone who is thinking of attempting suicide and for anyone who has lost someone to suicide. This is by no means a complete comprehensive list, but I hope that it is at least a place to start.

In the next few weeks, I will be adding a more complete resources page to my blog. I want a place where the information below is readily available for anyone to find and utilize, so keep a lookout for it.

Remember, suicide is 100% preventable. Sometimes, all it takes is to talk to someone who will listen. You are NOT alone and you ARE loved. If anyone tells you differently, they are WRONG.

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If you are currently experiencing suicidal thoughts and/or behaviors, here are some resources for you to try:

Military OneSource
1-800-342-9647
    • Live Chat with Trained Individuals
  • Teen 2 Teen Hotline
    • 714-NEW-TEEN (639-8336)
    • Call between 5pm and 9pm
  •  Crisis Chat: Online Emotional Support
  • GLBT National Help Center
    • 1-888-THE-GLNH (843-4564)
    • 1-800-246-7743  (Youth Talkline)
      • Monday thru Friday from 1pm to 9pm, pacific time
        (Monday thru Friday from 4pm to midnight, eastern time)
      • Saturday from 9am to 2pm, pacific time
        (Saturday from noon to 5pm, eastern time)
  • State/Local Call Center numbers can be found here.
    • Tillamook County Crisis Number:
      • Tillamook Family Counseling Center: 503-842-8201
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If you have lost someone to suicide, or know someone who has, you can use any or all of the above hotlines and chat lines for immediate information, help, and support. There are trained individuals to help you understand and manage your grief on the other end of these support lines. Please, use them.

Here are some additional resources that you can use to help you deal with your loss:

 Simply click on one of the above mentioned organizations and you should be directed straight to each of the resource pages. Many of these resource pages have websites listed to visit, links to online support groups, information about suicide and grief, and even book listings to take a look at. Take a few minutes to look around each of these resources and find the best ones for your needs.

Always remember: If you are in immediate danger, or know someone who is, call 911 (or any other local emergency contact number) and/or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

I hope this has helped in some way.
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A Year Ago…
 1/31/04
For: Hanse Joshua Peterson
3/27/87 to 2/4/03
Sick and twisted thoughts stir in my mind
Guilt of the tragedy is all that’s left behind
Memories of who he was are fading fast
How long is this pain inside going to last?
Four days from now it will have been a year
The loss of someone close is what I fear
What did he think when he breathed his last breath?
Was he scared when he knowingly embraced his own death?
Suicide Action Montreal
514-723-4000
24 hours; 7 days a week
A year ago we were all doing just fine
Then the world fell apart, including mine
I told myself that it couldn’t be true
So lost and confused, I didn’t know what to do
Wandering alone in the dark I couldn’t see
My pain was so great and I blamed me
A year ago not many people knew who he was
If he walked to school or rode the bus
Did he have many friends or was he a loner?
Was he a goody-goody or was he a stoner?
Did he laugh much or did he ever cry?
No one gave a damn until he died!
A year ago nobody cared to ask questions
To give him advice or make small suggestions
They laughed at him and they called him names
They all fucked him up with their mind games
Now some sit outside and enjoy the rain
Some hide away and swallow their pain
I live my life and hide my pain away
I lost a good friend a year ago today
Rochelle Callahan
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If you live in the Tillamook area, there is an Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) workshop that you can attend. According to the information ad in our local newspaper:

“Asist is a comprehensive suicide intervention training. ASIST is the result of more than 20 years of research and development, and is the most widely used suicide intervention program in the world. ASIST is partially funded through a federal grant targeting suicide prevention alternative.
By the end of the workshop you will know:
  • The signs of suicidal thinking
  • How to intervene to prevent immediate risk of suicide
  • The resources available in your area”
 If you are interested in attending this workshop it will be held on September 20th and September 21st from 9 am until 5 pm at Tillamook Bay Community College (TBCC). Registration for attendance is required. The cost to attend is $30 per person and for Social Workers, Counselors, and First Responders there are Continuing Education Credits available for taking this workshop. If you would like to register, please take a moment to call (503) 842-8201 ext. 271.

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Acknowledgments/Thanks:


This has been a big personal project for me. While the initial idea for an informational post-a-day for suicide prevention awareness week was indeed mine, I do have to admit that the idea to incorporate personal stories into each post, was not mine alone. I have to give that credit to Lisa Richards.
In my initial research for current information on suicide facts and statistics, I came across her website and read her homepage, which explains what her book is about. Richards lost her eighteen year old daughter to suicide in 2011 and began collecting letters from all of Mallory’s family and friends. Each page in the book is filled with love and loss…laughter and heartbreak. I found this to be incredibly touching and couldn’t shake a serious case of the goosebumps.
Due to the intense reaction I felt to just reading the homepage of her website, the idea that incorporating personal stories into my posts was born. I hoped that someone reading my posts would be as deeply affected by the personal stories shared there as I was by this loving gesture.  So, a great big thank you to Lisa Richards. You are an inspiring and strong woman.
On that note, I wish to thank the wonderful guest bloggers that gave me the pleasure of showcasing their spectacular writing skills, as well as, their very real and personal experiences with suicide. I really feel honored to share their stories with all of you in the hopes that it will help spread awareness. They are wonderfully strong women who are, I believe at least, fabulous writers. If you haven’t already checked out their blogs, you should head on over and do so now! Just the Messenger. and Diary of a Madwoman, thank you again so very much!!
And last, but certainly not least, I want to thank all of my terrific family and friends who also helped me with this important project by sharing their own stories and experiences. I feel like a great weight of my posts couldn’t have been possible without your help and input. I can never thank you enough for allowing me this privilege.

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“Ok, so my story… not really sure what to include so I’ll do pretty much everything.
I have a family history of mental illness, my mom is majorly depressed, anxiety, PTSD, etc. My father is bipolar, psycho, rage. My father was an abusive asshole to my mom—actually I was a rape baby while she was on birth control. He threatened to kill her if she aborted me. So, after I was born she fled away from him with my aunt to Washington state. Somehow, he always kept finding her and beating the shit out of her. That is until my 5th birthday. She figured out that he was able to pay the post office $1 and if he knew the old address, [he could] get the new address. So, she fixed that and we finally got away from him. Unfortunately, for me, I was out of a physically abusive situation and into a mentally and emotionally abusive one.
I am bipolar, anxiety, mania, psychosis, schizoaffective… and a very high IQ. My mom didn’t know how to handle me, so we always fought. She didn’t mean to, but she always ended up trying to stifle me. She was a single parent working 2-3 jobs. As I got older, things only got worse. It turned physically abusive as well. I finally crossed the line in middle school, and I threatened the school cop, and was sent to Texas to live with my aunt, again.
This was quite possibly the worst experience of my life. They treated me like the redheaded stepchild. I was never included in anything. They treated me like a prisoner. Worse even. It was during this period that my depression worsened from [just] depression to suicidal ideations and self-mutilation. I had been slightly suicidal already since about 2nd grade. I used to hide in my closet with a butcher knife held to my heart just wishing for the courage to plunge it through my chest. In 3rd grade I was hospitalized after walking to school in the bike lane, since there were no sidewalks. They thought I was trying to kill myself. I wasn’t at the time, and it only taught me how to manipulate the system. It didn’t do anything to help me.
So in 7th grade when I went to Texas, I started cutting myself on a daily basis almost. I remember the first time I ever did it was on Thanksgiving in 1999. I had been there for about 6 months and I had found quickly that everything they had promised me was a lie. They claimed they treated me like their own child, but if I so much as blinked wrong I was in a living nightmare. Whereas their kids could disappear without any notice until 10ish at night and they [would] just blow it off. Then in 8th grade there was a choir concert and everyone was cheering for their friends. I had bad timing apparently and cheered for a split second after everyone had stopped. I stopped as soon as I realized this mind you, but they didn’t believe it. So what was my punishment for such a heinous crime? I got to stay up all night on school nights for some ‘quality time’ with my drill sergeant uncle. He put me through military boot camp PT all night, let me get 2 hours of sleep, made me go to school like that, and do it all over again. For weeks.
Needless to say, this did nothing for my mental state. They had also withheld my Christmas gifts from me, but had filmed the whole thing for family and my mother to see, so they made me pretend to open my things and be happy. I wasn’t. Then you take into account that I was molested by my older cousin a couple times. I had no desire to continue living. I got so deep into cutting myself that I made morbid little designs and decorations on my arms. I thought they were beautiful. I still do.
Cutting/self -mutilation is an addiction. I haven’t done it on a regular basis since I was 19, but I still have the urge to do it every year or two. In fact just writing this is making me itch for it. It’s such an amazing sense of relief from the stress and anxiety built up inside of you. It’s more powerful than any drug in the world. I should know, I’m no stranger to them.
In 11th grade I tried to kill myself by swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills and was hospitalized again. This time I was prepared but they still managed to catch me off guard. They drugged me before I went to see the shrink and was high out of my mind. The first morning I woke up, granted the only morning I was there, the girl in the room with me and her friend asked me if I wanted to burn myself with salt and ice. No, I can’t say that I do. There were about 3 people including myself who were there because they were genuinely depressed and suicidal. All the others, well, they were just behavior problems that their parents didn’t want to deal with. Take my roommate for example, she was around 9-10 and her grandmother was her guardian. She was supposed to show up that day to visit, but she didn’t. So the child started throwing a fit and trashing the place. Thankfully my mom was there to see it. I had told her the place was literally making me crazier but she didn’t believe me. For some reason she had stuck around longer than expected and when she saw that girl she immediately checked me out. It was an incredibly unhealthy place.
I had always hated being on medication. I had been on 19 different meds between 6 and 11 years old. So, I was on anti-psych medications until I was 19. At which point, I realized I really needed help and decided I wanted to get somewhere in life. I wanted to be a psychiatrist and help other people in my situation. Unfortunately that wouldn’t really happen. When I was 20, almost 21, I had surgery to remove my gallbladder and would discover that I’m terminally ill. I decided that I’d be a nurse then since it didn’t take as long as psychiatry. That didn’t work out either. The pain in my kidneys got to be too much for me to even go to school and lately to even function normally. Nursing was definitely out of the question.
It didn’t seem fair that all the time I spent wanting to die on account of my depression, I would overcome it mostly just to find out it wasn’t really any better. Nowadays, I’m still suicidal, but in a different way.
I’m terminally ill. I suffer on a daily basis in incredible pain and I’m on high enough doses of narcotics to kill a few people with one dose of my meds. Now I want to die to end my suffering. I believe in assisted suicide for the terminally ill. I feel we’re more humane to our animals than we are our sick and dying.
I’ve recently come up with an idea for a charity/foundation to help people who are suicidal get help. I’m also focusing very heavily on cutting and self-mutilation needing addiction help. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to collaborate on it with Bert McCracken of The Used, my absolute favorite band.
I don’t believe that my desire to die currently is wrong in any way. My pain will never end. Yours can. So please never give up and find help if you need it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m lucky enough to have a husband who takes care of me in light of all my problems. You’ll get through it. I promise. It may not be incredibly soon, mine took most of my life, but it will get better.”  ~~Stephani Trioli~~

Thank you so much Steph 🙂 I love you sweetheart, so much! I’m so excited for you for being able to collaborate with Bert for you project! And, I am proud of you for trying to help spread awareness as well. *Hugs and Kisses*
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If you need someone to talk to, please call the number above.
There is someone one the other end who WANTS to help you.
Suicide is NOT the answer.

The Elephant in the Room: Suicide (Part 7 of 8)

/ Rochelle N. (Callahan) Males
September 9 through September 15, 2012
Suicide Prevention Awareness Week

Every year since 1974, the nation has come together in a week-long campaign to help promote Suicide Prevention Awareness.  All sorts of events are held all over our country, in the hopes that the information received there will help keep even just one person from committing suicide. The idea is to draw attention to suicide prevention, suicide warning signs, reduce stigma surrounding the topic of suicide (so that more prevention happens), encourage those who need it to seek mental health assistance, and to support those who have attempted suicide, as well as those who have lost someone to suicide.

Walks are organized, screenings are done, information is handed out, and memorials are held for those who have been lost. Fundraisers collect money for research for mental health issues, and for existing suicide prevention outlets.  All of this helps coincide with what is known as World Suicide Prevention Day, which is held annually on the 10th of September. As the name would imply, this is the day that suicide prevention is recognized all over the world. 
For my small part in helping promote and spread awareness, I am posting one blog post every day this week—Suicide Prevention Awareness Week—in the hope that even one person may be saved. I have experienced loss to suicide myself (some time ago now) and find this to be a therapeutic way for me to deal with that grief.
I intend to give you as much information as I can on suicide but I also strongly encourage you to take the time to read the personal stories attached within all the facts. These are real people, with real stories that I have collected, just for this occasion. They wanted to let anyone who reads their stories to know that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. There is hope and there is help.
Thank you for stopping by to check this out. Suicide is preventable. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to spread the word, so pass this along as you see fit to. Here’s to hoping we can help save some lives.

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“After years of abuse of all kinds I had a pretty low self-esteem. Feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred led me into deep depression. The only thing I ever wanted was to be loved and not getting any led to thoughts of suicide. The only way I can describe the way it feels is that there is a big black hole inside of me. A void if you will. The longer I go without feeling loved the blacker it gets.
Finding someone to love me for me has been a life-long journey. There were a few times I thought I found it but as time goes on it turns out to be a fruitless effort. And I’m once again in darkness. Any disappointment or being spoken to in a certain way brings on the depression as well as the suicidal thoughts.
I have tried to kill myself too many times to count. It didn’t work cause I’m still here. Someone always intervened and kept me alive. The last time I tried I got locked up in the looney bin. I was thinking of doing it again when I found out that I was pregnant.
That baby saved my life and I’m still here today because of my three girls and now for my grandbaby.”  ~~Tanya

**I love you mom. I am more than happy to have (unknowingly) saved your life. Thank you for letting me share this with everyone.**

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Many people who commit suicide do so because they believe that no one will care if they are gone and they feel like there is no other way for them to end their pain and suffering. Both presumptions are wrong. If you are having suicidal thoughts or behaviors there are things that you can do–other than attempt/commit suicide.

If you are currently struggling with thoughts of suicide or suicidal behaviors, here is what you can do:

  • Talk with someone you trust about these things, ask for their help in seeking treatment
  • Talk with a counselor or therapist about these things
  • Sometimes, writing in a journal can be a healthy outlet for these thoughts and substitute for the behaviors
  • Call the local, national, and international (if it applies) hotlines dedicated to suicide prevention
  • Call 911 or any other emergency services number and inform the operator/dispatcher of your crisis
  • Stay away from ANYTHING that you can use to harm yourself
  • Check yourself into a local hospital
  • Go to the emergency room

If you are someone who thinks they have a loved one considering suicide, here is what you can do:

  • Assure the person that you are there for them to talk to and that you will help them in any way that you possibly can
  • Ask questions
    •  “Are you okay?”
    • “Is there something you would like to, or need to, talk about?”
    • “Are you thinking of committing suicide?”
  • NEVER keep someone’s plan of suicide a secret
    • Tell someone who can help the person seek proper treatment
  • DON’T try to minimize the person’s problems
  • DON’T try to shame the person into changing their mind
  • Acknowledge their pain is legitimate and offer to work with them to seek help
  • Call 911 or any other emergency services number and inform the operator/dispatcher of the crisis
  • Call local, national, and/or international suicide prevention hotlines

Often times, people forget or fail to realize that the pain of losing someone is terribly burdensome. Many suicide survivors feel as if they are alone and have no one they can turn to. This in turn can lead to severe isolation and depression for survivors.

If you know someone who is a survivor, here is what you can do:

    • NEVER blame the survivor for the death of the victim
      • 90% of suicides have underlying conditions such as clinical depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar illness, and schizophrenia.
      • Depression in not caused just by life events like losing a job, dissolution of a relationship, or feelings of rejection in general, but a chemical imbalance in the brain as well.
    • Express sympathy and empathy
    • Understand that the survivor may be experiencing a multitude of emotions
      • Shock
      • Rage/anger
      • Sadness/depression
      • Confusion
      • Relief
    • Remember that everyone grieves in their own ways and times
    • Ask questions

    • “Are you okay?”
    • “Do you want or need to talk?”
  •  Really listen to the survivor and offer help and advice appropriately
  • Read books about suicide and grieving after suicide
  • Find out about suicide survivor grief/support groups in your community
    • Pass the information onto the survivor
    • Offer to go to meetings with the survivor
    • Go on your own

If you happen to be a suicide survivor yourself, here is what you can do:

    • Know that the emotions you are feeling, even suicidal ones, are normal. If you feel you are in immediate danger of suicidal acts call 911 immediately.
    • Know that it is okay to grieve.
    • Know that it is okay to be angry or fearful.
    • Know that it is okay to feel helpless and alone, these things are common.
    • Give yourself time to grieve. Healing is a time consuming process. Take as long as you need.
    • Keep asking yourself “why” until you no longer need to ask at all
    • Know that it is okay to laugh and cry
    • Delay making major life decisions immediately following the suicide death of a loved one
    • Be patient with yourself
    • Find out about suicide survivor grief/support groups in your community
      • Attend on your own
      • Attend with a friend or family member
    • Avoid people who tell you how to feel or what to do
    • Don’t be afraid to seek professional help
    • Read books on suicide and grieving after suicide
    • Don’t be afraid to talk to close friends and family
      • They may not talk about it freely in the mistaken thought that it may be too painful for you. Go ahead and initiate a conversation.
    •  Realize that it is okay to go on with your life.
      • It doesn’t mean you didn’t love the person or that you don’t miss them. It just means that you are slowly learning to live a little differently without them, one day at a time.
    • It means that you are living. You are surviving.

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 Friend’s Suicide

“There [were] two friends of mine [who] grew up together. They did everything together. If one tried out for sports the other one did too. There names were Jack and John. Their nicknames that I gave them were the Twin J’s. The reason I called them that is because they liked anime. They collected books, comic books, toys, and shows of there favorite characters.

One day Jack’s parents told him some bad news. That his father had colon cancer and that he only has a few months to live. His father and him were best friends so it really hurt him. Jack went in a deep depression. He pushed himself away from his friends including John. Some weeks later he started coming back. Four months later, he was getting back to normal. Then the tragady happened. His father died. Jack went off the deep end. It looked like he went into a coma. He didn’t do anything. He just stayed in his room. We all went over to his house day after day to show him that we care about him and his situation.

One day while I was at work. I got a call from Jack’s mom. She said that she got a call from the hospital saying Jack had been shot. I left work and met her at the hospital. I asked her what happened and she said no one had told her anything yet. A few minutes later the doctor came out and told her that her son had died. She dropped to the floor and started to cry.

I asked the doctor how he got shot. Just then, two cops walked up to us and explained that they pulled him over for speeding and as the cops were getting out of their car, Jack got out and pointed a gun at the cops. They warned Jack to drop the gun but he didn’t and Jack loaded the gun. Jack shot once and the cops shot back. She got upset with the cops but the cops knew she was upset about her son being dead. The doctor handed a piece of paper to one of the cops that they found on Jack and then the cop handed it to Jack’s mom. It stated:

 

I can’t stay in this world any longer. I can’t live without my father. So I’m going to kill myself. I don’t know how or where.(Jack’s Suicide Note)

 

So it seems that he used the cops for his suicide. It’s called Suicide by Cop.

Jack’s mom went into a deep depression and John was depressed too. I was a little depressed but I was worried about John and Jack’s mom. So I pushed it aside. What I did was, I brought John over to Jack’s mom’s house and I talked to them, showed them that I loved them. I did that everyday. I also took care of them for a month and a half. They were coming around at that time. Jack’s mom [then] decided to move in with her brother in Colorado and John moved with his parents because his father got a better job offer. I haven’t seen them since.

My depression stayed [with me] but I had my other friends to help me through it.”  ~~Sam S.

 **Sam, I love you buddy. I am glad that you made it through that tough time and that you had wonderful friends who could be there for you. Thank you for letting me share your story with everyone.**
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I want to thank everyone for letting me use their stories to help spread awareness to those in need. I know I have said something similar in every post thus far (and believe me, tomorrow’s thanks section is a little long) but I really am appreciative of everyone’s help with this project.

I also want to remind everyone that if you live in the Tillamook area, there is an Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) workshop that you can attend. According to the information ad in our local newspaper:

“Asist is a comprehensive suicide intervention training. ASIST is the result of more than 20 years of research and development, and is the most widely used suicide intervention program in the world. ASIST is partially funded through a federal grant targeting suicide prevention alternative.

By the end of the workshop you will know:
  • The signs of suicidal thinking
  • How to intervene to prevent immediate risk of suicide
  • The resources available in your area”
If you are interested in attending this workshop it will be held on September 20th and September 21st from 9 am until 5 pm at Tillamook Bay Community College (TBCC). Registration for attendance is required. The cost to attend is $30 per person and for Social Workers, Counselors, and First Responders there are Continuing Education Credits available for taking this workshop. If you would like to register, please take a moment to call (503) 842-8201 ext. 271.

Tomorrow is the last segment in the series I have for Suicide Awareness Prevention Week. In it, you will find resources for those who are considering suicide and resources for those who are considered suicide survivors. I hope that you come back tomorrow and I hope that you will spread the information to someone who could use it.

If you need someone to talk to, please call the number above.
There is someone one the other end who WANTS to help you.
Suicide is NOT the answer.

The Elephant in the Room: Suicide (Part 6 of 8)

/ Rochelle N. (Callahan) Males
September 9 through September 15, 2012
Suicide Prevention Awareness Week

Every year since 1974, the nation has come together in a week-long campaign to help promote Suicide Prevention Awareness.  All sorts of events are held all over our country, in the hopes that the information received there will help keep even just one person from committing suicide. The idea is to draw attention to suicide prevention, suicide warning signs, reduce stigma surrounding the topic of suicide (so that more prevention happens), encourage those who need it to seek mental health assistance, and to support those who have attempted suicide, as well as those who have lost someone to suicide.

Walks are organized, screenings are done, information is handed out, and memorials are held for those who have been lost. Fundraisers collect money for research for mental health issues, and for existing suicide prevention outlets.  All of this helps coincide with what is known as World Suicide Prevention Day, which is held annually on the 10th of September. As the name would imply, this is the day that suicide prevention is recognized all over the world. 
For my small part in helping promote and spread awareness, I am posting one blog post every day this week—Suicide Prevention Awareness Week—in the hope that even one person may be saved. I have experienced loss to suicide myself (some time ago now) and find this to be a therapeutic way for me to deal with that grief.
I intend to give you as much information as I can on suicide but I also strongly encourage you to take the time to read the personal stories attached within all the facts. These are real people, with real stories that I have collected, just for this occasion. They wanted to let anyone who reads their stories to know that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. There is hope and there is help.
Thank you for stopping by to check this out. Suicide is preventable. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to spread the word, so pass this along as you see fit to. Here’s to hoping we can help save some lives.

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As I mentioned in yesterday’s awareness post, today we have a guest post from Diary of a Madwoman. She is a mother of three and a widow finding her way through the journey of grief after losing her husband to suicide over a year ago.

She chronicles her journey with surviving after her husband’s death and raising her children, who are still grieving and affected deeply by their loss. Her writing is rather inspirational and after you’re finished here, I suggest you take a trip on over to her page and read her story from the beginning. She is such a strong and compassionate woman and her story really is remarkable.
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S.U.I.C.I.D.E.
(Originally posted on:) Tuesday, October 25, 2011

“There…I said the word. And I so hate it. I’ve been thinking today about how many people just don’t get it. They think Dave is a coward, a quitter, a man who deserted his wife and 3 kids, babies so young they won’t even remember their daddy. I probably thought all that too, before my life was destroyed by it. I’ve even admitted that if this happened to someone else I knew, I would be saying “How did the wife not know? Why didn’t she help him? Why didn’t anybody DO anything?” It’s such a sneaky killer, really.  Those of us close to Dave in the last few weeks were the most shaken, obviously, but also the most stunned. Why didn’t he say anything??? Why did he suffer in silence? And for how long?

When this happens to you, you realize that no one in their right mind does this. Looking back, I believe Dave suffered from anxiety and depression since Katrina. But I don’t even think he KNEW what IT was. He never said “I’m depressed” or “I feel anxious”. It was his way of life obviously. To cope he snuck pills, hid it from everyone. But the wrong kind of pills of course. And when he finally sought medical attention, he was prescribed adderrall. The adderrall put his problems front and center. Made everyday bullshit seem INSURMOUNTABLE. I feel so badly for him. I’m so sad this was his life. His one attempt at help killed him because he didn’t understand the disease himself.

My sister in law is walking in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Fundraiser. The website is http://www.outofthedarkness.org. So appropriately named. I was saying this morning if you have cancer or diabetes or MS people do walks and raise money…but there is less understanding about mental illness. You can’t see it on an x-ray so it mustn’t be real. I wonder what would have happened if Dave would have seen a commerical or heard a radio spot or passed a billboard with a flashing suicide prevention number? Would he have called? Would he be here today?”

Posted by Diaryof a Mad Woman at 12:57 PM

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 Many people who commit suicide do so to end their own pain. Some even do it because they believe their loved ones will be better off without them. What many of those people don’t realize is that their decision to end their own life will affect so many people around them, and has profound effects on the way their loved ones will live the rest of their lives. Those left to grieve the victim are called suicide survivors. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), this term implies that the grief felt from a suicide is more severe than or otherwise distinct from “normal” mourning. For every victim there are at the very least, six survivors.

Those who lose someone to suicide usually feel many conflicting emotions for the deceased individual. Intense feelings of shock, anger, hate, guilt, remorse, relief, sadness, and even peace may be some of the emotions felt by a survivor. Someone who has lost a loved one to suicide may experience new or worsened sleeping habits, feelings of isolation and emptiness, sudden change in appetite and other behaviors of depression. Sometimes, the suicide of a loved one can lead to dysfunction within the family (including divorce), loss of income and physical properties, or even more suicides.

When a person commits suicide they don’t realize that the pain they are trying to end is the same (or very similar) pain that will be felt by their family and friends. The people they love the most are the ones who will feel the loss the worst. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, spouses, children, grandchildren, old friends, and new friends are all going to feel the pain of the loss of a suicide victim.

However, not everyone who suffers from the loss is close friends and family. The loss is usually felt throughout the community and many times, this is used as a time to promote awareness and learning, as well as, grief counseling. Fellow soldiers, teachers, principals, classmates, co-workers, doctors, police officers, paramedics, and even neighbors are all affected by a suicide.
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 I’ll Never Forget His Face
“The night before I had a very uneasy feeling, so I had issues sleeping that night. I got up early the nest morning with my infant son. I started to hear people talking outside so I went out to see what had happened. Then I was told, “She won’t come out of the apartment”; without asking why or caring why I ran in and found her standing in her kitchen. I put my arm around her to start to guide her outside. As we spun around, I discovered why no one else would go in to get her. Her husband was in the doorway to the staircase. He was pale. His eyes were so empty; staring straight through your soul. He was motionless. His lips were blue. All I could do was stare as I noticed he was hanging by his neck with a pair of stretch pants. He had sent his daughter to school and then taken his own life while his wife slept in the next room. All I know, is that I still see his face sometimes.”  ~~Patricia~~
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I’d like to thank the wonderful Diary of a Madwoman for letting me use her personal experience with suicide for this series. It really means a lot to me and if you haven’t already read the rest of her talented and inspiring writing then I suggest you go do so now 🙂

I’d also like to thank Patricia for sharing her story with us as well. You are a terrific friend and a strong woman. I love you, my friend.

I know I have mentioned it in almost all of the previous posts, but I am going to mention it again.
If you live in the Tillamook area, there is an Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) workshop that you can attend. According to the information ad in our local newspaper:

“ASIST is a comprehensive suicide intervention training. ASIST is the result of more than 20 years of research and development, and is the most widely used suicide intervention program in the world. ASIST is partially funded through a federal grant targeting suicide prevention alternative.

By the end of the workshop you will know:

  • The signs of suicidal thinking
  • How to intervene to prevent immediate risk of suicide
  • The resources available in your area”

If you are interested in attending this workshop it will be held on September 20th and September 21st from 9 am until 5 pm at Tillamook Bay Community College (TBCC). Registration for attendance is required. The cost to attend is $30 per person and for Social Workers, Counselors, and First Responders there are Continuing Education Credits available for taking this workshop. If you would like to register, please take a moment to call (503) 842-8201 ext. 271.

In tomorrow’s post I hope to be able to give some helpful/useful tips and advice to those who are considering suicide and those who have lost someone to suicide, on what they can do to either get help for themselves or someone else. I hope that you will come back then and see what I have to offer. I hope it can make a difference to someone.

If you need someone to talk to, please call the number above.
There is someone one the other end who WANTS to help you.
Suicide is NOT the answer.

The Elephant in the Room: Suicide (Part 5 of 8)

/ Rochelle N. (Callahan) Males / 2 Comments
September 9 through September 15, 2012
Suicide Prevention Awareness Week

Every year since 1974, the nation has come together in a week-long campaign to help promote Suicide Prevention Awareness.  All sorts of events are held all over our country, in the hopes that the information received there will help keep even just one person from committing suicide. The idea is to draw attention to suicide prevention, suicide warning signs, reduce stigma surrounding the topic of suicide (so that more prevention happens), encourage those who need it to seek mental health assistance, and to support those who have attempted suicide, as well as those who have lost someone to suicide.

Walks are organized, screenings are done, information is handed out, and memorials are held for those who have been lost. Fundraisers collect money for research for mental health issues, and for existing suicide prevention outlets.  All of this helps coincide with what is known as World Suicide Prevention Day, which is held annually on the 10th of September. As the name would imply, this is the day that suicide prevention is recognized all over the world. 
For my small part in helping promote and spread awareness, I am posting one blog post every day this week—Suicide Prevention Awareness Week—in the hope that even one person may be saved. I have experienced loss to suicide myself (some time ago now) and find this to be a therapeutic way for me to deal with that grief.
I intend to give you as much information as I can on suicide but I also strongly encourage you to take the time to read the personal stories attached within all the facts. These are real people, with real stories that I have collected, just for this occasion. They wanted to let anyone who reads their stories to know that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. There is hope and there is help.
Thank you for stopping by to check this out. Suicide is preventable. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to spread the word, so pass this along as you see fit to. Here’s to hoping we can help save some lives.

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Bullycide is a relatively “new” term for a lot of people. It simply refers to suicide as a direct result of being bullied. There have been NUMEROUS suicides in which bullying was the major player in why the victim chose to end their life. A study done by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) shows a significant link between peer violence/bullying and suicidal behaviors in children and young adults. In this study, students who had been threatened or physically harmed by another student were almost two and half times more likely to have thoughts of suicide, and they were a little more than three times as likely to report having suicidal behaviors than students who were not bullied in some way.

In a previous post, I mentioned 13 year old Rachel Ehmke who took her own life after extensive bullying. When I dug a little deeper I also found stories about 12 year old Joel Morales, 15 year old Lennon Baldwin, 14 year old Eden Wormer, 15 year old Amanda Cummings, and 14 year old Phillip Parker, all of whom committed suicide as a result of bullying.

I even found this very recent article about Charlotte Dawson, one of the judges from Australia’s Next Top Model, and her suicide attempt after being bullied online. No one is immune from the effects of bullying and depression. No one. Though, in my research, this appears to be a phenomenon almost exclusive to children and young adults.

As with all my pictures, I found this on Yahoo. I did not make this and have no rights to it!! Thought you should know 🙂

Also, in my research, I noticed that bully related suicides seem to be “on the rise” with victims being younger and younger all the time. I believe this is probably due to the incessant advances in technology and how it defines our lives. The accessibility and availability of the online world is abundant today. More so, than when I was 10 or 11 years old.

I think that because these younger (7 to 13 or 14 years old) kids have things like iPads, iPhones, iPods, laptops, and game systems, to name a few, with web access as well as varying, multiple responsibilities that parent have, it is harder–mind you, I said harder NOT impossible–to monitor their activity on the web and keep children from online bullying.

There are safeguards on computers, phones, televisions, game systems, and almost any other electronic device these days that parents can utilize to help keep their children safe online. I just did a search on Yahoo! and instantly came up with these results. You can find parental control software and “How-to” manuals on using what you already have on your devices. That link I gave to the list is just a start. Do your own search, specified to your devices. It could help end bullying and possibly save a life.

In a few earlier posts in this series (Part 2 and Part 4) I gave a general list of suicide facts, definitions, and warning signs. This is all good information to have, however, knowing what may predispose someone for suicidal behavior may help you determine if someone you know IS thinking of committing suicide, or simply having a rough time. Remember, if you aren’t sure, DON’T be afraid to ask the person if they are okay.

There are many things that can factor into a person being more or less likely to attempt/commit suicide. Here I have compiled a short list of these factors to share with you:

    • Family history of suicide
    • Family history of mental disorders and/or substance abuse
    • Violence/Abuse within the family (physical and/or sexual
    • History of depression or other mental illness
    • History of self-harm and previous suicide attempts
    • A romantic break up
    • The death of a loved one
    • Living in a place that has had a recent outbreak in youth suicides
    • Legal and/or financial problems
    • Feelings of being abandoned and/or rejected
    • The recent diagnosis of a terminal condition
    • Current self-harm behaviors
    • Traumatic brain injury
    • Lack of Familial Acceptance of Sexual Orientation
    • Cultural and/or Religious beiefs
      • For example, some cultures believe suicide to be a noble solution to a personal dilemma
    • Barriers to mental health treatments
    • Isolation or feeling cut-off from people
    • Due to the stigma attached to mental health, suicidal thoughts
      and substance abuse disorders, many people are unwilling to seek health
    • Easy access to lethal means
    • History of being bullied by peers
Learn how to use parental controls to keep
your kids safe from online bullying
    • This can happen online and/or in-person
    • This can be mental and/or physical
    • This can happen to children, young adults, and older adults
  • As I mentioned in Part 2 of this series, getting older also is a risk factor for suicide
    • Most significantly in men aged 65 and over.
    • The risk of suicide for women peaks between 45 and 54 years old and then again after the age of 75.
    • Men aged 65 and over are seven times more likely to commit suicide than women who are aged 65 and over.

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“I [have] tried to kill myself two times. The first time was because I had people telling me what to do, who I could and couldn’t be with, and a family member told me they were going to take my kids away from me and I didn’t what to live without my kids.
I tried to take an overdose of the depression meds I was on at the time. My husband found me and got me to come to and no one knows about this. The second time, my heart was breaking because my husband and I [were] apart and a lot of things were going on at the time. I took four ibuprofen, [then] I got scared and called 911 and was taken to the hospital. After that, a cop took me home and I have not tried it again.
There are times I [still] feel like everyone would be better off without me, but I will not try anything again.”   ~~Anonymous~~

***I want to say thank you, so very much, for letting me share your story. I want to let you know that I did make minor spelling, punctuation and grammar corrections (that is what some of the bracketed stuff is!).  I hope that your story will help someone else to seek help.***

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I’ll once again give you the information of the ASIST workshop being hosted by our local community college for anyone who is in the area and is interested in attending!!

So, if you live in the Tillamook area:

“Asist is a comprehensive suicide intervention training. ASIST is the result of more than 20 years of research and development, and is the most widely used suicide intervention program in the world. ASIST is partially funded through a federal grant targeting suicide prevention alternative.

By the end of the workshop you will know:
  • The signs of suicidal thinking
  • How to intervene to prevent immediate risk of suicide
  • The resources available in your area”
 If you are interested in attending this workshop it will be held on September 20th and September 21st from 9 am until 5 pm at Tillamook Bay Community College (TBCC). Registration for attendance is required. The cost to attend is $30 per person and for Social Workers, Counselors, and First Responders there are Continuing Education Credits available for taking this workshop. If you would like to register, please take a moment to call (503) 842-8201 ext. 271.

Tomorrow I have another wonderfully talented guest blogger, Diary of a Madwoman (who lost her husband to suicide over a year ago), who is going to let me showcase some of her previous work in this series. I’ll also be hitting on information about who is affected by a suicide attempt/loss. I hope you will check back to read what she has to say, and then I hope you head on over to her page and read the rest of her awesomely written posts (if you haven’t done so already that is).

If you need someone to talk to, please call the number above.
There is someone one the other end who WANTS to help you.
Suicide is NOT the answer.

The Elephant in the Room: Suicide (Part 4 of 8)

/ Rochelle N. (Callahan) Males / 2 Comments
September 9 through September 15, 2012
Suicide Prevention Awareness Week

Every year since 1974, the nation has come together in a week-long campaign to help promote Suicide Prevention Awareness.  All sorts of events are held all over our country, in the hopes that the information received there will help keep even just one person from committing suicide. The idea is to draw attention to suicide prevention, suicide warning signs, reduce stigma surrounding the topic of suicide (so that more prevention happens), encourage those who need it to seek mental health assistance, and to support those who have attempted suicide, as well as those who have lost someone to suicide.

Walks are organized, screenings are done, information is handed out, and memorials are held for those who have been lost. Fundraisers collect money for research for mental health issues, and for existing suicide prevention outlets.  All of this helps coincide with what is known as World Suicide Prevention Day, which is held annually on the 10th of September. As the name would imply, this is the day that suicide prevention is recognized all over the world. 
For my small part in helping promote and spread awareness, I am posting one blog post every day this week—Suicide Prevention Awareness Week—in the hope that even one person may be saved. I have experienced loss to suicide myself (some time ago now) and find this to be a therapeutic way for me to deal with that grief.
I intend to give you as much information as I can on suicide but I also strongly encourage you to take the time to read the personal stories attached within all the facts. These are real people, with real stories that I have collected, just for this occasion. They wanted to let anyone who reads their stories to know that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. There is hope and there is help.
Thank you for stopping by to check this out. Suicide is preventable. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to spread the word, so pass this along as you see fit to. Here’s to hoping we can help save some lives.

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“I am smart and I am funny. I am pretty and yet I am not vain. I am socially outgoing and have tons of friends. I am opinionated and open-minded. I have been weak and I have been strong. These are things most anyone who knows me can tell you about me. What almost no one knows–not even my family–is this: I used to be a cutter.
Not because I wanted to die or felt I needed to die. I did it because I was horribly anxious, severely depressed, and at my wit’s end. I had tried everything short of medication and regular therapy (both of which I couldn’t afford because of no health insurance) to ease the anxiety and pain I felt. Nothing seemed to work. Nothing, that is, except for cutting.
It was the release I was looking for. The meditative feeling I couldn’t experience any other way. The pain from the knife wasn’t really pain at all but rather an intoxicating high of relaxation. I did this for quite a while before the influence of a few of the best friends I will ever have made me quit. Made me seek healthier (albeit, more expensive) alternatives to deal with the things I was going through.
While getting help was rather difficult for me to do, it was the best decision I could have ever made. It has been seven years since my last cutting session, but sometimes when my anxiety and stress levels are through the roof, I still get the urge to cut. I crave that high.
I can only imagine how much worse it could have gotten…My friends saved my life and I can never thank them enough.”  ~~Anonymous submission~~

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Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day. If you missed the post, check it out here, I hosted a wonderfully talented and inspirational guest blogger yesterday. Thanks, again, to Pauline Vetuna over at Just the Messenger. for allowing me the honor.

Did anyone participate in the candlelight vigil at 8pm last night? I did, in honor of a lost friend. Hanse, you are loved and missed everyday you are not with us.

What other things did you do to help spread awareness in your area? Please, feel free to share with us in the comments section. Now, I will get on to the next part of the series…
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Self-Harm:

Self-harm, often referred to as self-mutilation (though not all self-harming behaviors are also mutilating), is a term that means to deliberately hurt oneself without the intent to cause one’s own death. This is a MAJOR warning sign of suicidal thoughts and/or tendencies that can be, and often times is, overlooked. Talking with a very, very good friend of mine recently, she made the statement that self-harm (cutting, in this particular conversation) is extremely addicting. This is something else that is often overlooked and under-talked about but very true.

Self-harm can include one or more of the following:

  • Cutting on any part of the body (though the wrists and forearms, as well as thighs, can be favorable places) ——>form of self-mutilation
  • Self-tattooing and scarification ——> form of self-mutilation
  • Self-burning, usually with cigarettes, lighters, candles and matches —–form of self-mutilation
  • Head-banging (against walls, door frames, concrete, trees, etc.) ——->form of self-harm
  • Very hard pinching of oneself (hard enough to leave deep bruising and/or break skin) ——> form of self-harm
  • Scratching (can refer to use of fingernails or use of razor-blades and knives where only the top few layers are scratched. Usually very minimal bleeding)


There are many reasons that lead a person to use self-harm. The most common response that I was able to gather, is this (summarized in my words), “It is a release….Of tension, anger, frustration, fear, and most importantly, pain. It is a way to let some of that negativity flow out of the body. A way to be reminded that you are alive.” Stress, depression, anger, emotional pain, disappointments (social or personal), and an inability to express oneself in a positive/healthier manner are all reasons a person may resort to self-harm. Again, the intent behind self-harm is NOT death. However, untreated/stopped, I believe, it can lead to addiction and death.

There are MANY things that a suicidal person MAY do before they take their own lives–some suicidal individuals will show NO SIGNS before they commit suicide. I must mention, many of these can be rather subtle things/actions, ANYTHING out of the ordinary for someone you know well should be taken seriously. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and provide support, even if you are unsure.

Some things to watch for include:

  • Self-harm
    • As I stated above, this is a MAJORLY overlooked sign. This is also a sign that has probably persisted for awhile before the actual suicide attempt is made.
  • Appearing depressed/sad most of the time.
    • Undiagnosed/untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide.
    • While this may mean the person has received necessary help, take time to ask, it may mean they are just about to commit suicide.
  • Talking about wanting to die or kill oneself —–> NO threat should EVER be ignored!!
  • Talking about being hopeless, helpless, worthless, and/or a burden to others.
  • Suddenly visiting and/or calling family and friends (especially those they haven’t seen/heard from in awhile)
  • Increasing and/or picking up the habit of abusing drugs and alcohol.
  • Major change in eating and sleeping habits.
  • Seeking out ways to commit suicide: research online, purchase of guns/ammunition, knives, pills, rope, etc.
  •  Getting their “affairs in order”
    • Changing or completing a will
    • Sudden, last minute funeral arragements
    • Giving away prized possessions to family and friends

The American Association of Suicidology (AAS) has an easy to remember Mnemonic to help you spot signs of suicide. IS PATH WARM.

Ideation
Substance Abuse

                Purposelessness
                Anxiety
               Trapped
              Hopelessness

                                 Withdrawal
                                    Anger
                                    Recklessness
                                   Mood Changes

Remember, not all suicidal persons will show signs that they are thinking about suicide. If you see uncharacteristic behavior in someone you know well, take a minute to ask them what is up. It just might make the all the difference.

The personal story I am about to share with you is a poem that was written to the previous anonymous guest in this post, as the two happen to be good friends. The author of this poem has asked me to stay anonymous and I am respecting their wishes. However, I personally know this individual. If you STEAL this poem just because it says anonymous and I find YOUR name attached to it, there will be hell to pay!!!
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                               Paper Mache
                  They come in nice little patterns
                  Lines spaced about ¼ inch apart
                               1 nice big X
                    And in one lovely nice red
                  You say it externalizes the pain
                       Well it sure as hell does
               Because everyone around you aches
                   But how is it my place to say?
                So cut yourself to paper mache
              I’ll advert my eyes and turn away
                 And curl up in so much pain
                 To see my friend go to waste
                 But it ain’t my fucking place
                     How ever could it be?
                 Because your perfect body
                        Is for you to ruin
                         And not for me.
                            Anonymous

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I want to thank both of my anonymous guests today for allowing me to share their stories with the world. It really means a lot to me that you would allow me to do so!! *Hugs and Love*:)


Yes, I am going to mention this again:

If you live in the Tillamook area, there is an Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) workshop that you can attend. According to the information ad in our local newspaper:
“Asist is a comprehensive suicide intervention training. ASIST is the result of more than 20 years of research and development, and is the most widely used suicide intervention program in the world. ASIST is partially funded through a federal grant targeting suicide prevention alternative.
By the end of the workshop you will know:
  • The signs of suicidal thinking
  • How to intervene to prevent immediate risk of suicide
  • The resources available in your area”
 If you are interested in attending this workshop it will be held on September 20th and September 21st from 9 am until 5 pm at Tillamook Bay Community College (TBCC). Registration for attendance is required. The cost to attend is $30 per person and for Social Workers, Counselors, and First Responders there are Continuing Education Credits available for taking this workshop. If you would like to register, please take a moment to call (503) 842-8201 ext. 271.

Tomorrow I have another addition to add to my week-long project. I will be touching on the subjects of Bullycide and Who is at Risk for suicide. I hope that you will keep reading and pass along any or all of the info to anyone who you think may benefit from it.

If you need someone to talk to, please call the number above.
There is someone one the other end who WANTS to help you.
Suicide is NOT the answer.

The Elephant in the Room: Suicide (Part 3 of 8)

/ Rochelle N. (Callahan) Males / 2 Comments
September 9th through 15th, 2012
Suicide Prevention Awareness Week

Every year since 1974, the nation has come together in a week-long campaign to help promote Suicide Prevention Awareness.  All sorts of events are held all over our country, in the hopes that the information received there will help keep even just one person from committing suicide. The idea is to draw attention to suicide prevention, suicide warning signs, reduce stigma surrounding the topic of suicide (so that more prevention happens), encourage those who need it to seek mental health assistance, and to support those who have attempted suicide, as well as those who have lost someone to suicide.

Walks are organized, screenings are done, information is handed out, and memorials are held for those who have been lost. Fundraisers collect money for research for mental health issues, and for existing suicide prevention outlets.  All of this helps coincide with what is known as World Suicide Prevention Day, which is held annually on the 10th of September. As the name would imply, this is the day that suicide prevention is recognized all over the world. 
For my small part in helping promote and spread awareness, I am posting one blog post every day this week—Suicide Prevention Awareness Week—in the hope that even one person may be saved. I have experienced loss to suicide myself (some time ago now) and find this to be a therapeutic way for me to deal with that grief.
I intend to give you as much information as I can on suicide but I also strongly encourage you to take the time to read the personal stories attached within all the facts. These are real people, with real stories that I have collected, just for this occasion. They wanted to let anyone who reads their stories to know that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. There is hope and there is help.
Thank you for stopping by to check this out. Suicide is preventable. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to spread the word, so pass this along as you see fit to. Here’s to hoping we can help save some lives.

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As I mentioned in yesterday’s Awareness Post, Pauline Vetuna over at Just the Messenger. has graciously allowed me to feature a post she wrote at the beginning of August this year about World Suicide Prevention Day (with great links/info about what is happening in Australia for the day), as part of my Suicide Prevention Awareness posts. I can not express enough how appreciative I am for the honor to host such wonderful writing on my blog, thank you again Pauline for letting me showcase some of your wonderful work.

Before I let you get to her post, however, I very strongly encourage you to take a few minutes to read up on who Miss Pauline Vetuna is. Her story is a humbling and inspirational one. Take a break and head on over to her page by clicking here and here to meet her and see who she is BEFORE you continue on and read her marvelous post. It is worth it, I promise.
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Originally posted on August 8, 2012 by
In early August 2004, barely into his twenties, a friend of mine – and mad Elliott Smith fan – took his own life. He had struggled with mental health issues, rooted in a childhood marked by poverty, deprivation of love, and instability. As devastating as his suicide was, his untimely death came as a shock to no one – he was born into a house and body of pain, which he tried to numb with alcohol and drug use. Unable to connect in a healthy way with the world, the inner isolation drove him over the brink. Towards the end of the following year, another good man, who had made my high school experience much less repugnant over coffee, outsider wit and Daria, died in similar circumstances, at the age of 21. As he and I had lost contact over the years, I did not find out about his passing until about five months after the fact.
At the time I found out, I was an in-patient at a spinal rehabilitation hospital, waiting for modifications on my parents’ newly mortgaged house to be completed, so I could bust out. Whilst out for the day, I ran into a high school friend at Flinders Street Station and, still in a world of grief herself, she abruptly broke the news to me. A week or so later, through several hours of debriefing with her, I found out more about his life. A sensitive and intelligent young man, he had become involved in community activism to support LGB youth, but privately struggled with his own turmoil. I realized that we had faced similar trials during that previous year, 2005: relationship break-downs. Extreme anxiety. Depression. Fear. Loneliness. Untenable bottling of emotions. Self-medicating. At the very time he passed away, I was contemplating doing the same.
I am thankful that I didn’t take that final action, as I have witnessed the pain and suffering of those who are left behind. The emotions they are burdened with run the gamut from grief to anger, confusion, guilt, and even shame. Coming to terms with the hole that is left, and the unanswered questions, is part of the unending process of dealing with such an enormous loss. Those left behind can resent the person who committed suicide for the “selfishness” of the act; view them as inconsiderate of those that cared about them. However, whilst the circumstance surrounding every death is different, suicide usually occurs when a person’s pain exceeds their resources and ability to cope. The friend who left in August was not selfish – at the same time, in his own mind, he was completely alone. His life was undeniably harder than his peers. From the writing he left behind, it was clear he could not feel anything but pain by the end – not even the love of those around him.
This is ILLNESS, after all. It is a particular kind of pain that is impossible to understand if you have never been inside of it, inside that mental state. I hope you never are. Nonetheless, thousands of Australians will experience it. Suicide is the leading cause of death for men under the age of 44 and women under 34. The ABS, Causes of Death 2009 report showed deaths due to suicide numbering at 2,132 – which equates to 6 deaths by suicide a day, or one every four hours (and these are just the suicides that are reported). It showed that more people die from suicide in Australia than from skin cancer, and that Indigenous people are FOUR TIMES more likely to die by suicide than non-indigenous people.  And for every completed suicide, it is estimated that as many as 30 people attempt to do so.
BUT THERE IS HOPE. There is hope in taking positive action, in arming yourself with knowledge on how to support both others and yourself in times of dire need. Knowledge on what to do and where to turn to, to find appropriate assistance, and to nourish your own mental well being.
THE 10th OF SEPTEMBER IS WORLD SUICIDE PREVENTION DAY (WSPD). On this day, numerous events, conferences, campaigns and local activities call to public attention what is one of the world’s largest causes of premature and unnecessary death. Essentially, it’s about getting information out, and connecting people  to the support, services and resources that could prevent them, or someone they know, from taking such a drastic action. Everyone is invited to get involved by participating in or hosting an event as part of WSPD. To do so, check out the official WSPD Australia website HERE. The website also contains a ‘Help‘ page HERE with links to hotlines and organizations that assist people in need, and a great ‘Resources‘ page with links to information on suicide and mental illnesses. Check it out HERE.
As part of World Suicide Prevention Day, an organization that has been of personal assistance to me, LIFELINE AUSTRALIA, is organizing ‘Out of the Shadows and into the Light’ Walks, to mark the occasion and raise awareness about suicide prevention. To join an Out of the Shadows walk (or register your own), go to the website HERE. Lifeline provides various services for people in crisis and those that care for them, and has published Suicide Prevention Resources and Information  – you can download and read through them HERE.
And if you or someone you know is suicidal (and you live in Australia) you can call Lifeline 24/7 on 13 11 14  (call 000 if in immediate danger).
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Hanse Joshua Peterson
3/27/87 to 2/4/03

In honor of World Suicide Prevention Day, the International Association for Suicide Prevention is offering EVERYONE an opportunity to participate in a candle light vigil. No, you don’t have to go anywhere. It is easy. At 8 pm, wherever in the world you may be, simply light a candle close to a window to show your support of: World Suicide Prevention Day, suicide prevention awareness, survivors of suicide and the memories of lost loved ones.

As I mentioned in Part 2 of this series, I will be participating tonight. I will be doing so to honor the memory of a great friend who, tragically, took his own life at the age of 15 years old. It is for his memory and for my grief that I chose to participate originally. Now, I also participate to help spread awareness. I encourage EVERYONE to participate in this simple event.

Suicide is preventable. All it takes, is for someone to listen. All it takes, is for someone to reach out.

If you live in the Tillamook area, there is an Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) workshop that you can attend. According to the information ad in our local newspaper:

“Asist is a comprehensive suicide intervention training. ASIST is the result of more than 20 years of research and development, and is the most widely used suicide intervention program in the world. ASIST is partially funded through a federal grant targeting suicide prevention alternative.

By the end of the workshop you will know:

  • The signs of suicidal thinking
  • How to intervene to prevent immediate risk of suicide
  • The resources available in your area”

If you are interested in attending this workshop it will be held on September 20th and September 21st from 9 am until 5 pm at Tillamook Bay Community College (TBCC). Registration for attendance is required. The cost to attend is $30 per person and for Social Workers, Counselors, and First Responders there are Continuing Education Credits available for taking this workshop. If you would like to register, please take a moment to call (503) 842-8201 ext. 271.

I really want to thank Miss Pauline Vetuna, again, for allowing me to host her over here on my blog for today! I really, truly do appreciate the honor 🙂

There is another post for the series headed your way tomorrow. The main focus will be self-harm and other warning signs of suicide. Keep your eyes open for it and thank you again for reading.

If you need someone to talk to, please call the number above.
There is someone one the other end who WANTS to help you.
Suicide is NOT the answer.

The Elephant in the Room: Suicide (Part 2 of 8)

/ Rochelle N. (Callahan) Males / 4 Comments
September 9 through September 15, 2012
Suicide Prevention Awareness Week

Every year since 1974 (’75?), the nation has come together in a week-long campaign to help promote Suicide Prevention Awareness.  All sorts of events are held all over our country, in the hopes that the information received there will help keep even just one person from committing suicide. The idea is to draw attention to suicide prevention, suicide warning signs, reduce stigma surrounding the topic of suicide (so that more prevention happens), encourage those who need it to seek mental health assistance, and to support those who have attempted suicide, as well as those who have lost someone to suicide.

Walks are organized, screenings are done, information is handed out, and memorials are held for those who have been lost. Fundraisers collect money for research for mental health issues, and for existing suicide prevention outlets.  All of this helps coincide with what is known as World Suicide Prevention Day, which is held annually on the 10th of September. As the name would imply, this is the day that suicide prevention is recognized all over the world. 
For my small part in helping promote and spread awareness, I am posting one blog post every day this week—Suicide Prevention Awareness Week—in the hope that even one person may be saved. I have experienced loss to suicide myself (some time ago now) and find this to be a therapeutic way for me to deal with that grief.
I intend to give you as much information as I can on suicide but I also strongly encourage you to take the time to read the personal stories attached within all the facts. These are real people, with real stories that I have collected, just for this occasion. They wanted to let anyone who reads their stories to know that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. There is hope and there is help.
Thank you for stopping by to check this out. Suicide is preventable. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to spread the word, so pass this along as you see fit to. Here’s to hoping we can help save some lives.

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Before I begin this post, I encourage you to read Part 1 in this series if you have not done so already. This will give you the back story as to why I chose to do a post-a-day for this particular week. What are you waiting for?? Go, now!

A thought (later explained more) a friend of mine gave to me the other day…
A slightly unconventional definition/reason for the term, if you will.

Su-i-cide (s‘-sd’):

  1. The act or instance of intentionally killing oneself.
  2. The destruction or ruin of one’s own interests.
    For example: It is professional suicide to involve oneself in illegal practices.
  3. One who commits suicide.

That is the official definition, for any and all who aren’t quite sure what the term really means. I only included the second part of the definition…well, because it was there LoL I, however, digress.

(According to good old Wikipedia) Over one million people in the world die this way annually. To add to that, there is an estimated 10 to 20 million unsuccessful attempts at suicide annually. That is a lot of death. A lot of grief. A lot of healing to be done….

Here are some more statistics on the matter:

  • Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for young adults (aged 15 to 24 years old).
  • Suicide is ranked as the 10th leading cause of death in the United States (coming in at least 4 slots AHEAD of homicide).
  • For every one completed suicide, there is an estimated 8 to 25 unsuccessful attempts.
  • There are approximately 4.5 million suicide survivors in the U.S. alone.
  • Every year, 1 out of every 65,000 children ages 10 to 14 years old will commit suicide.
  • On average, one person dies every 14.2 to 16.2 minutes from suicide.
  • Women attempt suicide 3 times as often as men; though men are 4 times as likely to die from suicide than women.
  • The risk of suicide rises with age. Most significantly in men aged 65 and over.
  • The risk of suicide for women peaks between 45 and 54 years old and then again after the age of 75.
  • Men aged 65 and over are seven times more likely to commit suicide than women who are aged 65 and over.
  • In a given year, approximately 10% of Americans are affected by depression. That is more than 24 million people.
  • At some point in their lives, at least 15% of the population will suffer from major depression.
    • Approximately 30% of all clinically depressed people attempt suicide with nearly half of them dying from their attempts.
  • Over 60% of ALL people who die from suicide suffer from major depression (major depressive disorder).
  • Depression is the most treatable of ALL the mental illnesses.
    • Between 80 and 90% of people with depression respond positively to treatment.
If your school DOESN’T have one, you should ask them to get one!!

Despite these pretty damning statistics, most people don’t talk about suicide at all. It is frowned upon and looked down on as a cowardly, selfish act. I can admit that I thought those exact same things before (and even after) my own loss to suicide. However, a close friend of mine said something to me the other day that made me stop and think. She said that “maybe suicide isn’t selfish or cowardly, but instead the only way that person could find peace for themselves. The only way to make the hurt stop.” Which is why I chose the above picture to start out this post.

I also feel the need to point out to you that not everyone who attempts suicide does so out of depression (though there is usually an underlying battle with depression going on as well). Some do so out of anger. Anger for which they see no other outlet for…
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“I dunno if you knew or not, but I [have] been suicidal since I was 9. I still think about it, but really haven’t acted on it, until last year. I only cut my wrists though. I was going to kill my mother-in-law, but I took it [out] on myself before I put hands on her. It was like “beat the shit out of his mom and get a divorce and go to jail or stay in this marriage because I loved the guy.” And I picked that and cut up my whole arm. She doesn’t live with me anymore. I’m glad [that] she doesn’t.”   ~~Anonymous submission from a very dear friend of mine


For the record, I’m glad the necessary steps to help you were taken and she doesn’t live with you anymore honey. You don’t need that kind of stress. I love you ❤ Thank you for courageously sharing your story with me and with others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tomorrow, September 10, 2012, is International Suicide Prevention Awareness Day/World Suicide Prevention Day. This is the one day that is set aside ALL OVER THE WORLD so that we can all come together to help spread the word to those in need of it: “You are NOT alone. You ARE loved. You WILL be missed. There IS help out there.” From those who are considering this as an optional end to their situation to those who are looking to live each day without someone who did go that route. You ARE NOT alone in this journey.

The International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) has a list of events that are going on all over the world in participation of World Suicide Prevention Day. Since most of us are very busy with our day to day lives, and many of you will be hearing about this rather late this year (next year, I promise to do better!!), I have chosen the simplest way to participate for the day.

3/27/87-2/4/03
Gone, but never forgotten…

A world-coordinated candlelight vigil.

September 10th, 2012 is World Suicide Prevention Day. If you are looking for a simple and yet meaningful way to participate this year, then you can easily take part in the candlelight vigil that has been coordinated by IASP.

Light a candle near a window at 8 PM to show your  support for suicide prevention, to remember a lost  loved one, and for the survivors of suicide.

The International Association for Suicide Prevention
invites you to light a candle at 8 PM

I am lighting a candle for Hanse tomorrow night. Who are you lighting a candle for? What other events are you getting involved in? I hope next year I can do more. This year, this is all I have to offer.

If you live in the Tillamook area, there is an Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) workshop that you can attend. According to the information ad in our local newspaper:

“Asist is a comprehensive suicide intervention training. ASIST is the result of more than 20 years of research and development, and is the most widely used suicide intervention program in the world. ASIST is partially funded through a federal grant targeting suicide prevention alternative.

By the end of the workshop you will know:

  • The signs of suicidal thinking
  • How to intervene to prevent immediate risk of suicide
  • The resources available in your area”

If you are interested in attending this workshop it will be held on September 20th and September 21st from 9 am until 5 pm at Tillamook Bay Community College (TBCC). Registration for attendance is required. The cost to attend is $30 per person and for Social Workers, Counselors, and First Responders there are Continuing Education Credits available for taking this workshop. If you would like to register, please take a moment to call (503) 842-8201 ext. 271

Stay tuned in for tomorrow’s post! I have a lovely piece written by the truly inspiring Pauline Vetuna over at Just the Messenger! that I will be sharing with you tomorrow in honor of World Suicide Prevention Awareness Day. She hails from Australia and will be sharing some of the events that are going to be happening over there for tomorrow.

If you need someone to talk to, please call the number above.
There is someone one the other end who WANTS to help you.
Suicide is NOT the answer.